Armchair Pundits

Who's The Redneck?

Tales From The Hood Part 3

Dateline Wednesday April 6th.
Time: 6:10pm

On this fine spring evening, myself and my eldest offspring were enroute to our place of worship for kid's clubs. I was traveling westbound on University Avenue when I noticed a pack of pre-teen/teenagers (13-14ish) standing near a cross street. Our eyes met and as they did, the young man (I was thinking punk) kicked a plastic car out into traffic. Unable to avoid the mess, I obliterated the plastic menace with my left front tire. Fortunately, no damage was done to my tire, although I didn't know this at the time. To say I was a little "hot under the collar" would be an understatement. I proceeded for 2 blocks whereby I turned off, heading north on a side street. I successfully manuevered my van into position. Heading of this band of ruffians.

The look on their collective faces was priceless as I approached them head on. They had no where to run. I got out of my van and read the ringleader the riot act. "You could've caused a flat or an accident! What were you thinking! I've half a mind to call the police!" Being quite angry, the incident attracted some neighborhood attention. I told the kid "your choice--the cops or your parents-you decide." He chose the latter and I instructed him that I would follow him home. He looked as if he would cry. After 1 block of riding in what can only be described as resembling a politician's parade, I relented. I got out of the van again at the stop sign and motioned the kid to come over, as he was about to head into the trailer park where he lived. I told him, that since no damage was done to the van, I'd let it go this time. He replied, "thank you sir! Thank you sir! I'll never do it again!" Having gained a measure of satisfaction, I bid him farewell and drove off.

As I proceeded to church I was feeling good that I had taught the ruffians a lesson. As I reflected however; I began to feel bad. After all, the kid seemed pretty sensitive, and while justified in being angry, my expression of it was not my finest moment. After all, I' pride myself in being reasoned and temperate. Furthermore, I've done a ton of stupid stuff as kid! In that moment, I realized that I had become a Blaine Redneck!

Lord have mercy!

posted by Grisby @ 4:47 PM