Life's Lessons (Part 3)
Okay, so I was a little salty with yesterday's submission. I've had an attitude adjustment, so this posting should be a little more palatable.Generally, I am not one to find great wisdom in the mouths of children. I tend to be a little more old fashioned. By this I mean, more often than not kids should be seen and not heard. Now by this, I don't mean that my children (or any children for that matter) have no voice. On the contrary, I want my children to be vociferous in the expression of their thoughts and feelings. I just expect them to know when it is appropriate to speak and when it is not. And by expectation, I mean it is incumbent on me and my better half to teach them this value.
It begins with recognizing the distinction between adult and child. It seems to me that this is often blurred by our culture, which esteems friendship with children as to be sought after. I have no such ambition. At this point in my life, I am more concerned about being the moral conscience of my children as they are forming their values of right and wrong. It is incumbent on me as their father to instruct them in this matter. I am more concerned that my children are obedient than I am about their frustration with me for enforcing guidelines. We habitually make time to process such feelings, but only after compliance is achieved. I believe that friendship will come later, now is the time for training, for doing the work of parenting.
This is fresh in my mind due to a recent experience. I introduced one of my children to an adult. "Child, this is Mrs. So-&-S0." Mrs. S0-&-S0 replied "Hello Child. You may call me Suzie Q."
I am sure the parents out there have had such an experience. This drives me nuts. First, children should know that a distinction exists between adult/child. And due to this distinction, a modicum of respect is warranted. Second, by counter-manding my instruction, Mrs. So-&-So, effectively underminded my authority and the teachable moment. Bad form. Perhaps well-intentioned, but misguided none-the-less.
At any rate, this is becoming tangential, when all I wanted was to give a little background before departing to the point at hand. I say departing, because I there is something inherently instructive about the adult/child distinction in relationship. Consider the following:
One of the great joys in my brief stint as a parent, has been observing the development of faith in my children. This has been most noticable to me in their enthusiasm for prayer. They pray for everything. For example, "Dear God, help me to be a good boy/girl. Help me to find my C-3PO. Help me to find my Polly Pocket. God, please protect/heal/provide for ____. Dear God, please help me to catch or hit the ball. Dear God, please make the baby stop crying." You get the idea.
What get's me about this, is that nothing is to silly or insignicicant for the children to pray about. We taught them this principle and it yet convicts me. How often do I believe that I have to solve my own problems? To often. I may give mental ascent to the contrary but default mode is that of the typical responsible, go-getting, American capitalist, make your own fate, rah-rah-rah.
The Truth is (Romans 8) that God calls me his adopted son and what petition will a father refuse to hear from his child? So despite adult/child distinctions, I have been reminded that the first place to go, regardless of the circumstance, is prayer. I am reminded that I am but a child (the child) pursuing wisdom and knowledge from the Father, the ultimate adult, The One who infinitely cares and is my "ever present help in times of trouble."
The faith of a child. I sometimes forget that we are to approach God in this manner. I am sorry for the negative complaining attitude yesterday.
posted by Grisby @ 5:37 PM
4 Comments:
Sorry Grisby, but I have this uncontrollable need to hijack your posting. While I do agree with your comments regarding how we parents need to stick together. If I tell my child to refer to you as Mr. Doe, don’t tell the kid to call you John. Please John just follow my lead. I’m the parent here. If I tell my child to refer to you as His Royal Highness the Prince of Porcelain, then, congratulations, you’re royalty. I once spent a day being referred to as Dave, which is not my name, because … well, that’s a long story but let’s just say that I wasn’t in a position to correct the person who introduced me and one thing lead to another and … well, it was just easier to stay Dave for the rest of the day than return to my original identity. So, it won’t kill you to be called Mr. Doe for a few minutes.
But, I mention that in order to tell you this. It is one of the things that really irritates me. It grates on me like fingernails on a chalkboard. If you are going to tell your child to refer to an adult as Mr. Doe, great. If you tell them to refer to an adult as John, I’m fine with that (you’re the parent). But, please, for the love of all that is good and honorable, I beg you, do not tell your child to refer to an adult as Mr. John or Miss Jane or Mrs. Judy. That is just annoying. Maybe I would feel different if I was born and raised south of the Mason-Dixon Line. But, I don’t like it. We attended a church once where in Sunday School they wanted the children to refer to the adults by Title, First Name. No, No, No. You can use Title, First Name, Last Name. You can use Title, Last Name. But, Title, First Name is just bad form and it sounds dorky. Try it a few times. I am convinced that by referring to an adult in that manner drops their authority a couple notches, drops their social standing by at least one caste, and may drop their I.Q. a few points. And if you’re an adult referring to other adults in that manner, I have two words to describe you … Forrest Gump. (“Hey, it’s Lieutenant Dan.”)
I will now descend from my soap box. Thank you.
Well stated. I must concur & note that this may present an interesting dilema for young children. Imagine the following:
"Honey, this is Dr. Krydrtchisiclailn." In such a case, it may be easier to say, Mr. John, although certainly with a last name like that, it is a dubious propostition to think the first name would be John.
While I agree that certain situations may exist that would prevent adherence to a hard, fast rule, I would attempt, as best I could, to avoid an exception.
How about Dr. "K" ? (No relation to either Dr. J or Coach K)
Yes, I concur. Relatives should be Title, First Name. That makes sense.
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